Just some words i'd weaved together from before March 2015:
And yet,
instinctively
i am always hurting myself.
Madness isn't something that can be contained,
suppressed and depressed into
nothingness
like air.
It embraces and swallows me whole.
yes, i write best when i'm either BROKEN / w h o l e
and i seem to work in extremes, yes.
SEM 1 of my Uni life has finally come to an end.
Am currently caught in the mad rush of December; the month of caroling.
its been crazy, RIGHT from the end of Finals, when i officially took up SL duties
(its weird and somehow fitting that it has all come a full circle and now im back at the same place i'd been right at the start, SL in SHPSchoir bc SLs back then did no teaching and were not required to have music background XD)
Really grateful to have been offered this opportunity, despite my poverty in musical knowledge/background (apart from my 10 years worth of choral experience) , if not for Sherman (whom Yu Rong informed me would be guiding me and Justin - the two musically deprived SLs - through piano basics) and idk who else helped change the SL system to one based on vocal merit instead of piano/theoretical background, i doubt i would EVER be allowed to sing the song to my section for them to learn, instead of playing the piano (and stressing over finding and hitting the right keys =_=) SO YEA. basically, im really thankful.
but at the same time,
this crippling feeling of inadequacy always seem to be able to find it's way back to me.
somehow, i still feel like i'm not good enough.
and that i would be a much better Singer than SL/Conductor. (which i believe IS true)
and so all these moving out of my comfort zone is really just for me to explore but not to really master anything. Though i've got to admit that i've gotten even more sensitive to pitching problems and terrible timings.
MUCH tired. Work starts tomorrow (AGAIN!)
can't wait to see my kids again!
MUCH LOVE. - heart signal-
keep pushing for what you believe in, and never lose yourself even in a sea of lost faces.
And yet,
instinctively
i am always hurting myself.
Madness isn't something that can be contained,
suppressed and depressed into
nothingness
like air.
It embraces and swallows me whole.
yes, i write best when i'm either BROKEN / w h o l e
and i seem to work in extremes, yes.
SEM 1 of my Uni life has finally come to an end.
Am currently caught in the mad rush of December; the month of caroling.
its been crazy, RIGHT from the end of Finals, when i officially took up SL duties
(its weird and somehow fitting that it has all come a full circle and now im back at the same place i'd been right at the start, SL in SHPSchoir bc SLs back then did no teaching and were not required to have music background XD)
Really grateful to have been offered this opportunity, despite my poverty in musical knowledge/background (apart from my 10 years worth of choral experience) , if not for Sherman (whom Yu Rong informed me would be guiding me and Justin - the two musically deprived SLs - through piano basics) and idk who else helped change the SL system to one based on vocal merit instead of piano/theoretical background, i doubt i would EVER be allowed to sing the song to my section for them to learn, instead of playing the piano (and stressing over finding and hitting the right keys =_=) SO YEA. basically, im really thankful.
but at the same time,
this crippling feeling of inadequacy always seem to be able to find it's way back to me.
somehow, i still feel like i'm not good enough.
and that i would be a much better Singer than SL/Conductor. (which i believe IS true)
and so all these moving out of my comfort zone is really just for me to explore but not to really master anything. Though i've got to admit that i've gotten even more sensitive to pitching problems and terrible timings.
MUCH tired. Work starts tomorrow (AGAIN!)
can't wait to see my kids again!
MUCH LOVE. - heart signal-
keep pushing for what you believe in, and never lose yourself even in a sea of lost faces.
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